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Cynicopedia
Work & AmbitionEuphemism

Asynchronous

ay-SING-kruh-nusadjective

What it means

Communicating on your own schedule, with the understanding that everyone else will be expected to be online immediately.

What it actually means

Do not expect a reply after five, but I expect one now.

How it is used in a sentence

"We're an asynchronous team, so we document everything."

Filed under

Work & Ambition — Everything your employer calls a benefit and your therapist calls a symptom.

Euphemism — The phrase hides something specific. We decode it.


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Hybrid Working

Work & Ambition

HY-brid WUR-kingnounEuphemism

An arrangement in which you commute to a building to attend video calls.

Real meaning

Best of both, for the landlord.

Stand-Up

Work & Ambition

STAND-upnounBafflegab

A brief daily meeting in which people describe work they have not done since the last one.

Real meaning

Fifteen minutes of performance before actual work.