45 entries
The unwritten rules we invented online and now enforce in public without irony.
Search within Social Dynamics →uh-DUL-tingnounBafflegab
The performance of ordinary tasks with the theatrical exhaustion of someone who was never informed they would be required.
Real meaningI booked a dentist appointment.
"I did laundry and paid a bill. Adulting is hard."
ay-SING-kruh-nus FREND-shipnounCoinage
A friendship maintained entirely through reactions, shared links and delayed replies, in which both parties are aware it has stopped but neither…
Real meaningWe still like each other, and we have stopped speaking.
"We're not not friends. It's become an asynchronous friendship."
bed ROT-ingnounEuphemism
The deliberate refusal to leave bed, rebranded from a symptom into a wellness practice by people who could afford the day off.
Real meaningI am depressed and calling it self-care.
"I'm bed rotting all weekend and I'm not sorry."
bayzh flagnounDiagnosis
A middling incompatibility, invented because calling it a red flag felt excessive and calling it fine felt dishonest.
Real meaningNot a dealbreaker, but I have told everyone.
"He eats cereal for dinner. Not a red flag, just a beige flag."
boy mathnounDiagnosis
A system of arithmetic in which four dinners, three taxis and one borrowed twenty are rounded up to 'I basically paid for everything'.
Real meaningThe total was chosen first. The addition came afterwards.
"He said he 'basically paid for everything'. That's boy math."
brayn rotnounSpicyDiagnosis
The cognitive condition produced by an attention economy, named by the people consuming it as a joke rather than a diagnosis.
Real meaningWe have done this to ourselves and made it a meme.
"I've got terminal brain rot from scrolling."
KAN-sul KUL-chernounEuphemism
Accountability, when it happens to someone whose content you enjoy.
Real meaningConsequences, but for my favourite person.
"He apologised but cancel culture came for him anyway."
KRON-ik-lee ON-lynadjectiveDiagnosis
Describes a person whose understanding of the world is assembled entirely from the reactions of strangers, and who can therefore be defeated by one…
Real meaningNothing has happened to me and I have opinions about everything.
"That is a chronically online take."
dih-LOO-looadjectiveDiagnosis
Describes a belief held so far beyond the available evidence that the only honest response is to give it a nickname.
Real meaningWe stopped calling it denial because denial sounds like a problem.
"I'm delulu but I think he'll text back."
dee-MAS-kyuh-lay-tidadjectiveCoinage
Describes a man who believed he was the hard one, until a moment of pure karma removed the belief in front of an audience. It happens physically…
Real meaningHe was the toughest man in the car park until somebody tougher turned up, and the same thing happens every time he unmutes.
"He started road rage on an unmarked police car and got demasculated in front of his girlfriend. Then he went live to explain why he was right and got demasculated again by the replies."
dih-MYOORadjectiveBafflegab
Describes modesty performed energetically enough, and publicly enough, to be noticed for it.
Real meaningI have told nine million people how understated I am.
"Very demure, very mindful, very cutesy."
doom SPEN-dingnounDiagnosis
Buying something expensive in order to feel briefly alive in a world you have concluded is ending anyway.
Real meaningThe economy is collapsing, so here is a handbag.
"I've been doom spending since the election."
DOOM-skroh-lingnounDiagnosis
The practice of consuming catastrophe until you are either numb or asleep, whichever arrives first.
Real meaningI cannot look away and I cannot help.
"I doomscrolled until two in the morning again."
GOH-stingnounDiagnosis
Ending a relationship by becoming, from the other person's perspective, dead.
Real meaningI would rather disappear than explain.
"We had three great dates and then he ghosted me."
GLOH-upnounBafflegab
A dramatic personal improvement, published alongside the before photograph so that everyone who knew you at fifteen is aware of the change.
Real meaningThis is addressed to about four specific people.
"That's a serious glow-up since school."
hard lawnchnounDiagnosis
The public declaration of a relationship, timed to maximise the discomfort of at least one former partner.
Real meaningThis is serious and I want someone specific to see it.
"They hard launched on a boat in Greece."
hy skool NEV-er endzphraseDiagnosis
The observation that adult social life reproduces the status hierarchies of secondary school, with better budgeting.
Real meaningThe popular ones are still popular, the quiet ones are still quiet, and everybody still knows which they were.
"Thirty years on it's the same six people organising everything."
HUM-bul-bragnounDiagnosis
A boast wearing the costume of a confession, ordinarily beginning with an apology for the thing being announced.
Real meaningI am telling you that I am winning.
"Sorry for the radio silence, it's been nonstop since the raise."
IN-floo-en-sernounEuphemism
A person employed to be perceived, whose labour is the perception itself.
Real meaningTheir job is that you know their name.
"We sent the product to forty influencers and two posted."
lornounDiagnosis
The private history of a stranger, catalogued in detail by people who will never meet them and would not be liked by them.
Real meaningTheir worst year is our best afternoon.
"I've been catching up on the lore all weekend."
lowd BUJ-ih-tingnounBafflegab
The practice of announcing that you are not buying anything this month, in a tone calibrated to be admired for it.
Real meaningI am not buying it, and I would like to be praised for that.
"I'm loud budgeting this month, no dinners out."
mayn KAR-ak-ter EN-er-jeenounDiagnosis
The delusional confidence required to treat a public coffee shop as the set of a cinematic montage.
Real meaningEveryone else is an extra in your film.
"She walked in with such main character energy the whole room looked up."
MAN-ih-fest-ingnounBafflegab
The belief that wanting something hard enough is a strategy, popular among people with other options.
Real meaningI have not made a plan.
"I'm manifesting a corner office by thirty."
NEP-oh BAY-beenounSpicyDiagnosis
A person whose career began at the front of a queue, discussed in public only when they do something embarrassing.
Real meaningTheir first job was one phone call away.
"He's talented, but he's also a nepo baby."
pair-uh-SOH-shuladjectiveDiagnosis
Describes a relationship in which one party has no knowledge of the other and both have strong opinions.
Real meaningI feel like I know them.
"I know it's parasocial but I'm genuinely upset about the podcast ending."
PIK-meenounDiagnosis
A person who performs eagerness for approval, mocked by the same culture that spent a decade rewarding it.
Real meaningDesperate, in a way we find embarrassing.
"She's such a pick-me in the group chat."
KWY-it LUK-shuh-reenounDiagnosis
Wealth displayed by removing the logos, so that only the people who matter recognise the price and everybody else assumes it was affordable.
Real meaningYou are meant to know what this cost. That is the entire point.
"The whole campaign was quiet luxury — beige, cashmere, no branding."
rayj baytnounDiagnosis
Content engineered to provoke a response, rewarded by the algorithm and denied by the person who made it.
Real meaningThe anger is the product.
"That take was pure rage bait and it worked."
rih-SEETSnounDiagnosis
Screenshots retained for future use, described as accountability when deployed by your side and as a grudge when deployed by theirs.
Real meaningI kept the evidence.
"She came with receipts and ended the whole argument."
red flagnounDiagnosis
A warning sign, identified in others with total clarity and in oneself never.
Real meaningA dealbreaker I will ignore for six months.
"He's rude to waiters. That's a red flag."
ROH-mun EM-pyrenounDiagnosis
An ancient civilisation, now best known as the answer everyone gives when asked what they think about, which has made thinking about it the entire…
Real meaningOne documentary series, and now it is a character trait.
"The Roman Empire is the thing I think about most days, honestly."
SAD-fish-ingnounDiagnosis
Posting distress to harvest attention, named by an audience that would rather diagnose the motive than respond to the pain.
Real meaningWe have decided that you are faking it.
"The vague post about 'some people' was sadfishing."
syd HUS-ulnounEuphemism
A second job, rebranded so that the first one does not have to pay enough.
Real meaningI am exhausted and calling it ambition.
"My side hustle is finally covering the groceries."
sich-oo-AY-shun-shipnounDiagnosis
A relationship with all of the obligations and none of the vocabulary.
Real meaningWe see each other constantly and you are still on the apps.
"We're not dating, it's more of a situationship."
soft lawnchnounDiagnosis
Introducing a partner to the internet in fragments, so that the relationship can be removed without a statement.
Real meaningA hand, a shoulder, and a clean exit if it ends.
"She soft launched him with a photo of two coffees."
SPON-konnounDiagnosis
Paid advertising performed in the voice of a friend's recommendation, with the disclosure placed somewhere the thumb will never reach.
Real meaningIt is an advertisement, and the friendship is a format.
"That whole video was sponcon and nobody flagged it."
stanverbDiagnosis
To defend a famous stranger from criticism with a ferocity unavailable for your own life.
Real meaningCriticise them and I will find you.
"I stan her so hard, do not come for her in my replies."
thee AL-guh-rith-umnounEuphemism
An unseen ranking system, blamed for every failure of reach and never credited with the fact that you are still awake at two in the morning.
Real meaningIt is not suppressing your work. It is showing people what they actually want.
"The algorithm is finally pushing my content."
thuh groop chatnounDiagnosis
A private court that convenes without you, reviews your behaviour, and reaches a verdict you will feel before you hear.
Real meaningYour reputation is decided by people who are not in the room with you.
"The group chat has been brutal about it all week."
thee iknounDiagnosis
A sudden irreversible loss of attraction caused by a detail so small it cannot be defended aloud.
Real meaningHe held the fork wrong and now it is over.
"He said 'nom nom' and I got the ick instantly."
THURST trapnounBafflegab
A photograph in which the pose, the angle and the lighting were all chosen by accident, and the caption insists the post was about the sunset.
Real meaningIt was never about the sunset.
"He posted a thirst trap at midnight and deleted it by nine."
tuch grasphraseDiagnosis
An instruction to log off and engage with the physical world, issued almost exclusively by people still online.
Real meaningYou have lost perspective and I would like to say so.
"The replies were just thousands of people telling him to touch grass."
TRAW-muh DUM-pingnounSpicyDiagnosis
Disclosing intimate pain to an audience that did not request it, cannot leave, and will be asked to react.
Real meaningYour wound is now my content.
"The caption was a lot, it was full trauma dumping."
vyb cheknounDiagnosis
A character assessment completed in under four seconds, based on footwear and eye contact, and treated thereafter as evidence.
Real meaningI formed an opinion in the doorway and will spend a year defending it.
"He passed the vibe check, so we let him join the group chat."
wee shud get KOF-eephraseCoinage
A closing ritual that performs enthusiasm for a relationship without committing any calendar time to it.
Real meaningThis conversation is over and we both know we will not do this.
"Lovely to see you. We should get coffee properly soon."