40 entries
Ideas that were briefly worth billions, explained by people who are briefly employed.
Search within Digital Existentialism →ten-eks en-juh-NEERnounBafflegab
A developer whose output is ten times that of a colleague, measured in code that everyone else would rather have less of.
Real meaningA person who is difficult in meetings.
"He's a genuine 10x engineer, you just have to manage around him."
ay-jee-eye TYM-lynnounBafflegab
A prediction about the arrival of human-level machine intelligence, always delivered with total confidence and always wrong.
Real meaningAsk me again in five years.
"On my AGI timeline we have roughly twenty-four months."
ay-eye POW-erdadjectiveBafflegab
Describes any product containing a text box, a subscription, and a large language model mentioned within earshot of whoever is funding it.
Real meaningWe added a chat box and raised the price.
"The new release is fully AI-powered from end to end."
aw-TON-uh-mus AY-jentnounBafflegab
Software permitted to take actions on your behalf, up to and including the ones you would not approve.
Real meaningWe gave it the credentials and hoped.
"The autonomous agent books meetings and reconciles invoices for us."
BLOK-chaynnounBafflegab
A distributed ledger that solves the problem of needing a trusted third party by requiring everyone to trust an anonymous third party.
Real meaningWe needed a reason to use the word decentralised.
"We're putting supply-chain provenance on the blockchain."
KRIP-toh WOL-itnounBafflegab
A password holding your money, with no bank to telephone, no reset link, and nobody to blame but the arrangement you chose.
Real meaningThere is no forgot my password. That is the feature.
"I moved everything into a cold wallet for safety."
dark PAT-ernnounSpicyDiagnosis
A piece of design so effective at manipulating users that acknowledging it would constitute a confession.
Real meaningThe unsubscribe button is behind a phone call on purpose.
"The retention flow is a bit of a dark pattern, but it converts."
DAY-tuh DRIV-unadjectiveBafflegab
Describes a decision reached first and furnished with statistics afterwards, ordinarily by whoever owns the dashboard.
Real meaningWe found a number that agrees with us.
"We're making a data-driven call on the pricing change."
dis-RUP-ternounBafflegab
An unmonetised application that replaces a functioning offline process with an expensive subscription.
Real meaningThe offline process worked fine and it was free.
"We're not a taxi company, we're a disruptor."
DAWG-foo-dingverbBafflegab
Using your own product, which is how most employees discover they would not buy it.
Real meaningMandatory internal usage.
"We're dogfooding the new dashboard before launch."
EG-zitnounEuphemism
The moment founders are paid for the company's potential, which was always the only part of it that existed.
Real meaningWe sold before it had to work.
"The team is excited about the exit. The users less so."
FOWN-der mohdnounBafflegab
The practice of reasserting control over a company you already control, usually by firing people.
Real meaningThe board and I disagree.
"We're going back to founder mode to move faster."
FOWN-der FREND-leeadjectiveSpicyEuphemism
Describes investment terms that insulate the founder from the consequences of a failure everybody else absorbs.
Real meaningHe gets paid either way.
"The round was structured to be founder-friendly."
FUK-yoo MUN-eenounSpicyDiagnosis
Wealth sufficient to end a conversation with an employer permanently and without negotiation.
Real meaningEnough money to say no.
"He reached fuck-you money and left the industry."
goh UP-mar-kitverbEuphemism
To abandon the users who made you popular in pursuit of the buyers who will make you profitable.
Real meaningWe are leaving you behind and calling it growth.
"The roadmap has shifted and we're going upmarket."
grohth HAK-ingnounEuphemism
The practice of paying for advertising, describing it as a growth loop, and presenting the resulting sign-ups as proof of product-market fit.
Real meaningThe spend is in the spreadsheet. The story is in the deck.
"The growth hacking team tripled sign-ups with a referral loop."
huh-loo-sih-NAY-shunnounEuphemism
A confident falsehood produced by a machine, a word chosen because error would imply someone was responsible.
Real meaningIt made it up.
"The model hallucinated a citation, so we're adding guardrails."
man-ih-FES-tohnounBafflegab
A document explaining why existing law, ethics and social norms do not apply to a company that has not yet made anything.
Real meaningWe are going to break things and would like to be thanked for it.
"Our manifesto argues that permission is a legacy concept."
MET-uh-vursnounBafflegab
A virtual world that was going to replace the internet until everyone tried it.
Real meaningWe have built a lobby with no doors.
"Our brand experience in the metaverse drove real engagement."
MIN-ih-mum VY-uh-bul PROD-uktnounEuphemism
The smallest thing a company can charge for without being legally obligated to apologise.
Real meaningWe are launching early and calling it research.
"The MVP is missing logins but it demonstrates the vision."
moov fast and brayk thingzphraseSpicyBafflegab
A management philosophy in which the moving is done by founders and the breaking is done by everybody else.
Real meaningWe will cause harm and call it velocity.
"We're still very much a move fast and break things company."
en-ef-teenounBafflegab
A receipt proving ownership of something anyone can view, copy, and enjoy without paying.
Real meaningYou bought a link. The picture was always free.
"The collection sold out in four minutes and is now worth nothing."
noh kohdadjectiveBafflegab
A tool that lets you build software without engineers until the exact moment you need an engineer.
Real meaningLow code, high subscription.
"We built the whole internal tool no-code in a week."
PUR-suh-nul brandnounBafflegab
The ongoing project of being perceived, undertaken by people who would rather be perceived than employed.
Real meaningI am between roles and monetising it.
"I've been really focused on building my personal brand this year."
PIV-ut too ay-eyeverbEuphemism
To append a language model to a failing product and announce a new company.
Real meaningWe have run out of ideas and money simultaneously.
"We pivoted to AI in March and the round closed in April."
pree REV-uh-nyooadjectiveEuphemism
A business that has not sold anything, described as though the selling is a formality.
Real meaningWe have no customers.
"We're pre-revenue but the pipeline is extremely healthy."
prompt en-juh-NEERnounBafflegab
A job title for people who ask questions clearly, a skill previously expected of everyone.
Real meaningSomeone who types carefully.
"We're hiring a senior prompt engineer to own the model layer."
KWON-tum kum-PYOO-tingnounBafflegab
A technology that will change everything in ten years, a claim that has itself been true for thirty.
Real meaningTwenty years from being twenty years away.
"Quantum computing will break encryption within the decade."
REG-yuh-luh-tor-ee AR-bih-trazhnounSpicyDiagnosis
The business model of performing an activity in whichever jurisdiction has not yet made it illegal.
Real meaningWe checked which country would let us.
"We operate through a subsidiary for regulatory reasons."
SEER-eez aynounEuphemism
A milestone proving that a company has convinced adults to fund eighteen more months of not being a business.
Real meaningEighteen months, and then we have to explain the revenue.
"We closed a Series A to scale the team."
SUR-ver-lisadjectiveBafflegab
Running on someone else's computer, at a price that scales precisely with how badly you misjudged it.
Real meaningThere is a server. You are simply not allowed to know where.
"We've gone fully serverless for the new stack."
ship itphraseBafflegab
A call to release unfinished software, on the theory that users are an acceptable substitute for testing.
Real meaningWe are out of time.
"It's ugly but it works. Ship it."
stelth mohdnounEuphemism
The period during which a startup has no product, no customers, and no need to explain either.
Real meaningThere is nothing to see yet.
"We've been in stealth mode for eighteen months."
tek detnounDiagnosis
The engineering work deferred by someone who has since been promoted.
Real meaningThis is your problem now.
"We'll need a dedicated quarter to pay down tech debt."
thawt LEE-dernounBafflegab
A person whose insights are valuable in proportion to how few of them are specific.
Real meaningSomeone who posts a lot.
"We've invited a thought leader to keynote the offsite."
toh-kuh-NOM-iksnounBafflegab
An economic model in which the only piece of arithmetic required to work is the founder's exit.
Real meaningNumbers we invented to describe money we have not raised.
"The tokenomics allocate forty percent to the community."
trust mee brohphraseDiagnosis
The security model of an entire asset class, stated out loud without embarrassment.
Real meaningThere has been no audit.
"The reserves are fully backed, trust me bro."
YOO-nih-kornnounEuphemism
A private company valued at a billion dollars by investors who are also paid to value it.
Real meaningA billion dollars, as agreed by the people paid to agree it.
"We're on track to be the next unicorn out of this city."
vyb KOH-dingnounDiagnosis
The practice of shipping software you cannot read, produced by a machine you cannot question, to users you cannot support.
Real meaningNobody here knows why it works.
"I vibe-coded the whole backend over the weekend."
web threenounBafflegab
The internet, rebuilt by the people who own it, with the same enthusiasm as last time and none of the users.
Real meaningSame platforms, new landlord, and now you pay gas.
"Web3 is going to give users true ownership of their data."