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Cynicopedia
Business BafflegabEuphemism

Head Count

hed kowntnoun

What it means

Employees, counted as a resource right up until the moment they are counted as a cost.

What it actually means

People, but on a spreadsheet.

How it is used in a sentence

"We're managing head count carefully into next year."

Filed under

Business Bafflegab — Language engineered so that nothing is ever anyone’s fault and no decision is ever final.

Euphemism — The phrase hides something specific. We decode it.


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Bandwidth

Business Bafflegab

BAND-widthnounEuphemism

A finite personal resource that becomes infinite when a senior leader is asking and zero the moment you are.

Real meaning

I have capacity for anything except this.

Synergy

Business Bafflegab

SIN-er-jeenounEuphemism

The word used to describe two departments being merged into one, in the version of the announcement that does not mention the redundancies.

Real meaning

Forty roles are becoming twenty-eight and the slide is green.