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Cynicopedia
Business BafflegabEuphemism

Unfortunately

un-FOR-chun-ut-leeadverb

DiagnosisAutomated, incurable

What it means

The first word of an automated rejection, chosen so that the decision appears to have been reached sadly rather than set by a template.

What it actually means

Nobody read this. A system sent it.

How it is used in a sentence

"Unfortunately, your application was not successful on this occasion."

Why this one is here

It does the same job as "regrettably" and "sadly", and the tell is always the same. A human apologising says sorry and uses your name. A template says "on this occasion", which quietly implies there will be another one.

Filed under

Business Bafflegab — Language engineered so that nothing is ever anyone’s fault and no decision is ever final.

Euphemism — The phrase hides something specific. We decode it.


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Related entries

Voluntary Attrition

Work & Ambition

VOL-un-tair-ee uh-TRISH-unnounEuphemism

Resignations, counted as successes by whoever set the target that caused them.

Real meaning

They quit, which we are calling a win.

We Heard You

Business Bafflegab

wee hurd yoophraseEuphemism

A response to feedback confirming that the feedback was received, logged, and will be outlived by the problem.

Real meaning

Nothing is going to change.