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Cynicopedia
Work & AmbitionEuphemism

Performance Review

per-FOR-muns rih-VYOOnoun

What it means

An annual ritual in which your manager reads aloud a document written about you, in the third person, months ago.

What it actually means

Here is a verdict you cannot appeal.

How it is used in a sentence

"We'll discuss your performance review ratings in the calibration meeting."

Filed under

Work & Ambition — Everything your employer calls a benefit and your therapist calls a symptom.

Euphemism — The phrase hides something specific. We decode it.


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Related entries

Managing Up

Work & Ambition

MAN-uh-jing upnounEuphemism

The unpaid second job of translating your actual output into language your manager can repeat to theirs.

Real meaning

Do your boss's job of understanding your job.

Employee Engagement

Work & Ambition

em-PLOY-ee en-GAYJ-muntnounEuphemism

A measurement of morale, taken repeatedly, without any commitment to act on the result.

Real meaning

We will survey you about this forever.